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  • Hospice Negeri Sembilan

AGONy n covid-19 mco


MCO had just been exercised. It was at this time when everyone was so unsure about what is allowed and what is not, Ifa (not her real name), who was suffering from end stage breast cancer, suddenly had serious breathing problems. Her breath was short and heavy as though she was running short of oxygen. It seemed like she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs on her own. Once in a while she would open her eyes and look at me (the mother). There was obvious fear in her eyes. Her eyes seemed to be asking for help.

I was already drained of my energy and emotions. I noticed that her shortness of breath started two days ago. But today it is alarming. Her abdomen was bloated. She was so uncomfortable and it is real heart-breaking to watch my daughter go through this. I went to the toilet, locked the door, got down on my knees and prayed. I asked God if her time was up. I pleaded for God to take care of my daughter and give me the strength I needed. Please give me a miracle I begged.

I knew I had to do something. I called her palliative Care nurse for help. I received news that she was medically unfit. At the same time, Ifa refused to see any other nurse. But at least I was advised to get an oxygen concentrator to help her breathe. There was none spare in Hospice NS to offer to Ifa. I was referred to some pharmacies that would rent out. I couldn’t care less what the MCO would do to me. I went in that direction, hopeful that I could get help for her. After numerous phone calls and a whole three hours of running around, I came back disappointed. All the places I checked had none left.

Immediately I went into the toilet, and cried my heart out. I called out to God for some help. Ifa shouldn’t see me like this.

I called her Palliative Care nurse again for advice. She told me to get her to the emergency department at Tuanku Jaafar Hospital. She also advised me not to drive her as I might encounter police road blocks. It is better to get the ambulance. That is what I did.

Within an hour I was able to get her to the hospital to get professional help. However, we were advised not to be with her. That was so difficult. We (the parents, her husband, and two girls) would like to be there by her in her final moments.

The next two days was real agony for us. Our lives were controlled by every phone ring. We were informed that she was jaundiced as her cancer had spread aggressively to her liver. Except for the kids, none of us slept. Our only source of information is when the doctor calls. We can’t even call.

The hospital stabilized her and sent her back home. We were warned to expect the inevitable. She was surrounded by all her loved ones, her parents, her husband and her two lovely girls, and she managed to convey her love to all, before her time was up. What is left is the memories of my lovely and loving daughter and she will dwell forever in my heart….

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ROS#-752

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